Kiss me, kill me

It's that wonderful time of year when everyone plans to get together with family. They start thinking of all the good food they'll be having and the time they'll be spending away from work with the people that matter most.

I am not one of those people.

Family is great. Family is where you'll find people willing to be honest with you, willing to stick by and defend you, willing to help you out when no one in their right mind would jump in that mess. I love my family and I hope they have a wonderful time over the season.

I, however, will not be spending it with them. And what is really starting to get on my nerves is people acting like this is some sort of terrible thing. They ask if I'm going to be "all alone" on the holidays with this sad look in their eyes like I'm the child living in poverty in a third world country.

It's fine, I explain. This is the first year I won't have to deal with tons of hoopla over the span of about a month. I finally get to enjoy the days for what they are. I finally get to really sit back and look over the year instead of stressing about the next event/party/gift exchange/blather coming up. That's what I want, too. I don't like the production it turns into whether it's big or small.

Then I had the stupid curious twitch to go read a story about "being the odd duck at Thanksgiving." It was typically vapid as most "I, too, was once like you" articles tend to be. The woman's point was that she somehow became an adult in the eyes of everyone else as soon as she had a child and a significant other.

How terrible to be recognized as having arrived in adulthood because you spawned. Plenty of people do that who still don't act like adults and probably should have thought the better of procreation in the first place. Social soapbox aside, the woman was trying to argue that it's not a holiday unless it was with family.

I'm sorry, but I disagree.

You can celebrate with your family whenever. Turkeys are ridiculously cheap per pound in June and July. You'll find plenty of great toys for good prices in March. Chocolate tastes the same whether it's shaped like Santa or the Easter Bunny or wrapped in foil with a cheerful copyrighted flag. Friends and far-away family will still enjoy receiving a personal note wishing them well. There's more than one kind of pie. And for the love of all that is good and holy, stop spending so much money on stupid little "festive" decorations that do nothing but gather dust the rest of the year.

"You should still go hang out with people during the holidays," a well-meaning friend says to me. Why? That's great that you're thinking about other people so much, but I promise I'm not going to become a suicide statistic.

I'm going to call my family and wish them well. Then, I'm going to work (because there's a newspaper every day whether you read it or not). Then, I'm going to call my boyfriend who lives in another state and talk to him for a good 2 hours or so before I go to bed. And that sounds pretty well close to greatness to me. The only thing that could make it better is having Josh nearby. That will happen some day. I'm not worried.

So please, eat the zucchini bread I'll be bringing, enjoy time with friends and family, but stop harassing me about my holiday plans.

One addendum: I will accept any invitation to try some wassel. I've never had it and I've heard it's quite tasty. Plus, it's too fun to say.

Wassel.