Am I a friend or a jerk?

What a stupid question; but here's why I asked: *

I went over to a friend's apartment recently to have a little alcohol, a little food and a lot of conversation. I ended up having a lot of conversation, a little bit of food ... and quite a lot of booze.

Really. Stupid. Move.

I can't shut up or get over myself when I have too much to drink. I think everything I say has weight and I can't think clearly enough to at least attempt to stay on point. It's a rambling mess of discognitive ASSonance.

To make a long story short, after passing out for a while on said friend's couch, I awoke to forcefully interject my painfully stupid last-ditch effort to make two people care more about themselves. I stood up proudly on my soap box and declared them utter fools ... for doing exactly what I do all the time.

And it's a stupid game. It's more of the same trip around the circle. I'm able to assess from any number of vectors except the one that drives inward. They shoot off in an ego-increasing array of sharp criticism and maniacal insistence. My hopes of becoming an advice columnist are dashed.

(That's a joke. I don't want to do that.)

But the point still remains that any and every one of us are keenly aware of how insignificant everyone else's insecurities are, but we have an all-consuming and crippling inability to look past our own.

I'm not advocating some goofy form of self-love where we stare in the mirror every morning and tell ourselves we're worth it. But for fuck's sake, why do we have to keep learning this over and over and over?

You know it's been true at some point that you struggled to look past an insecurity. You better damn well know it won't be the last time.

Why? Why can't we move past ourselves? It's so conceited at the core and ... well, I'm downright boring. Why bore myself even more being consumed with all that's wrong with me?

It's late and I've got nuthin.

Nada.


*correcto on the semicolon? anyone?